“When we understand that we cannot be destroyed, we are liberated from fear.” Thich Nhat Hanh

Each week I look for a quote that resonates with me right before I am about to write.

This past week, I labored with creating a web site for my coaching business that I like. I had a free template that I had been using from my hosting company, hostgator.com, that wasn’t quite what I was looking for. I wanted to switch to a more flexible style that I could easily incorporate a blog into. I finally asked for help from hostgator’s support desk and they walked me through hitting the DELETE button on my website and wiping out all my files. I was very nervous about ruining everything but I (I mean, we) did it. Clean slate.

Next, I purchased the Headway theme to use with WordPress. I wanted it to work so much and I thought something was wrong with me but it ends up that my beloved Mac is showing its age and is not up to speed with this theme because I can’t upgrade my browser. I have reached maximum upgradeability on my computer. Headway customer service was great and when I get a new computer I will not hesitate to work with them again.

Back to square one.  So now I am going to use a perfectly useful, free wordpress.com theme on my website, coachedbygrace.com.

What does all this have to do with the quote? I was afraid to work on my website for months and did nothing about it because of my fear of ruining it. I was not destroyed by the news that my computer, that runs perfectly well otherwise, is not capable of creating my intended site. I understand that even seemingly trivial tasks, like deleting all my files in cpanel, although monumental to a newbie like me, isn’t a big deal after all.

My lesson was not to worry about it, know that I will be alright, and an alternative solution will be available.

We were married this week. There was no engagement ring, no wedding and no honeymoon. We went to the Napa county clerk, filled out a few lines on one form, came back a few weeks later for our appointment with the justice and then we were pronounced married. It was very easy and super fast. It was kind of like going to a notary public twice in one month. However, it was not impersonal at all. I loved the intimacy of it. To me it was much more romantic than when I was married at 23.

Everyone has been very supportive of us and very happy except for one person, my mother. She said we didn’t do it the “right way”. But what is the right way? My brother was married a few weeks earlier at a park in SF. They had a ceremony with about 20 people in attendance and afterwards we went to a nice lunch to celebrate. That wasn’t right either in the eyes of my mother because they weren’t married at her church. None of us, except my dad, go to her church. To me it seems more wrong to have it there than in a way that is more meaningful to the couple getting married.

I am sorry that my mother is upset. She is mad because we broke with convention and social constraints and how it is making her look to the church and the family. She is not able to look beyond that right now and is not really rejoicing in the paradise that we are dwelling in. To my mother, it is all about her needs not being met. Having a view like this is where pain and resentments will grow.

When we told my parents, the first words out of my father’s mouth were “Congratulations”. My mother said, “You people are going to give me a heart attack.”

Welcome to my world.

When you believe you have to take a chance because you don’t know what will happen next, you are not alone. None of us really know what is going to happen next. We can plan, predict and hope that our ideas will pan out the way we want them to.

There are times we have no idea of which way to go. This is the time to ask our selves, which way should I turn? Should I do Plan A, Plan B or even Plan C? How do you decide? The gut instinct is a good way to make these decisions. Find a quiet space, and scan your body from toes to head as you imagine each of your options. Which option made you cringe? Take that option off your list of possibilities. Keep trying this until you come to the option you believe is the one, the one that your body doesn’t fight you on.

Next is the faith. We must eventually act on our decisions and have faith that we will be alright, even if the future doesn’t come out the way we envisioned.

Do you just get up in the morning and go about your day as you please?  Are the people who don’t have a routine successful? Are they independently wealthy so they can do as they please, or are they so unwealthy that it doesn’t matter what they do?

What constitutes success for you?

What happens if you have a hard time accepting change? You keep ugly pillows.

As a seamstress, I have been able from time to time, make changes in my own house. Recently I was inspired by the latest Pottery Barn Catalogue to make a new pillow for the sofa. The one I wanted to replace had long outlived its usefulness. The stuffing was flat and the surface was worn. It wasn’t the type of pillow that could be washed so I purchased a new form in a similar size and made a new cover out of washable fabric with a zipper so that this pillow could be taken care of better.

I put the old pillow on top of the trashcan in the garage until the day of garbage pick up. They had switched the days of pick up and so we were going to have a week and a half of trash in our bin. I left the pillow on top of the can because I didn’t want to have any extra trash that wouldn’t fit in the can at the end of the week and a half. There was plenty of room to spare in the can so the night before pick up I put the pillow in the trash. In case you are wondering, I couldn’t donate the pillow to a thrift shop, it was just too yucky. I wasn’t hiding the fact that I was going to throw the pillow away because it was on top of the can in the garage for days.

But I had the feeling that I was going to get called on it by the person who bought it. “Why are we throwing it out?” he asked. “Because, I made a new one and this one is gross. It’s time to update.” Silence. He had seemed happy when I made the new pillow and showed it to him, but not so pleased when he found out we were going to get rid of the worn out pillow. What happened? Was it the attachment to the old pillow that was difficult to let go? Or was it because that the pillow that HE had bought was going in the trash? I said I was sorry and I was relieved that the pillow issue ended there.

Some people can move through the changes that happen to us all the time effortlessly and others move through changes kicking and screaming (toupees). Are you carrying extra baggage with you? What choice will you make the next time you are confronted with a change? Will you choose to live with ugly pillows?

I never appreciated how much Walt Disney had done until I went to Disneyland last summer. I have been to Disneyland many times but after a five-year hiatus I returned to the Happiest Place on Earth.

Next to Disneyland is the Downtown Disney Shopping District where there are many stores, restaurants and entertainment venues. Yes, it is consumer overload. But if you can look beyond that, it is a testament to the ability of one man to build something greater than him self. He never let go of the dream. He struggled through some lean times but with a strong team around him, he kept going and going.

What is your dream? What will you work for and how hard will you work for it?

Originally I was only going to write about the first quote and I couldn’t think of anything to say other than that I was feeling melancholy today. I realize it was because I wasn’t looking forward. I was looking back at the years that have gone by so fast.

But then I found the second quote and it hit me in the face like a sharp slap. I am guilty of complaining of its shortness. But is it because I make the worst use of my time? When I think the thoughts, “I have wasted my time, that I have procrastinated way too much, that I should have been more productive,” I am not being kind to myself. Listening to the negative self talk is what is wasteful, not how I choose to run my day.

So instead of complaining about how fast my life is going by, I will seize the day and get out from behind this keyboard. I am going for a walk.

You can’t build a reputation on what you’re GOING to do. Henry Ford

A lot of the time I have these plans of what I want to do, what I am going to do but then something gets in the way and things don’t get done.

I don’t think it matters if it’s something simple like folding the laundry and putting it away or something more ambitious like starting a new career. It’s about taking action and moving in the direction of going toward a goal that you have in mind.

So right now, there really is a pile of laundry in my room that needs to be folded and put away, but the good thing is the laundry is done, so I am so grateful about that.

As for starting a new career, I am posting a blog post with my new career as a life coach in mind ,so that is a step in the right direction even though it may not be a huge step. But the little steps all count don’t they? They all add up eventually and then some day I can say I did it, what ever the “it” may be.

Changing your mindset about getting around to doing something can be hard if there is a habit that needs to be changed. The big habit that I am referring to is procrastination. It can be a very nasty habit to break. The habit of inaction gets in the way of achieving the goals we set out for ourselves.

Ford’s quote reminds me of another one of my favorite quotes. This one is from Yoda: Do or do not, there is no try.

What about the Nike slogan? Just do it.

I’m sure there are many others along these lines. If you know of any, I would love it if you would let me know about them.

When I heard this quote I fell in love with it. A few years ago I was standing on a stool, lost my balance, fell and hit my chin on the corner of a 1970′s speaker/end table. I busted up my chin pretty good. Last year when I fell down an escalator I had to get physical therapy on my shoulder for months. One time the hammock I was lounging on broke and I ended up on the wood deck. I have been dropped on a dance floor during salsa dance dips. Twice.

I understand that the falling down is also about making mistakes. Some fine examples of my other kind of falling down have been when I had to end my home based sewing business, my divorce, or the many attempts I have had in the job market to find something long-lasting and fulfilling.

“Get up” is the second half of the saying. Either type of falling down, physically or emotionally, hurts. Get up or just sit there and feel sorry for yourself. What to do? I vote for getting up.

In case you were counting, I have gone over my quota of seven falls. I know we can all go over all of our falls over and over again but what good does that do? In my case, I have learned not to try to lift heavy objects over my head while standing on a bar stool; I shouldn’t rush out of a job site while juggling a cell phone and a brief case and looking around while riding down an escalator; and that letting go of relationships that no longer work really is the right thing to do. And you will not be surprised to hear that now I always wear some kind of shorts under my dresses when I go salsa dancing, just in case.

So this is how we learn. Sometimes it’s a hard painful way, but it can be valuable. We all go through it. What makes the difference is how long you choose to stay down. I believe it is a choice. What do you think?